I have a lot running through my head right now, why? I’m hypo-manic!
What do I mean when I say “hypo-manic“?
Well I am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder type 2. What this means, boiled down to the simplest terms, is my moods are constantly on a roller coaster. I have ups and downs, but when I’m up, (or hypo-manic); I’m soaring. I’m like a bird flying through the air. I’m feeling so, so good right now. When I come down though; I can become woefully depressed. Life seems to suck no matter what I try to do, I’m so hard on myself, and worst of it all: I just want to die.
How did I get these magical ups and downs? I was born with this condition. It was nothing I caught from someone, nothing my mother did, or did not do, during her pregnancy with me; Those are NOT the reason I have this mental illness. I have a family history of bipolar disorder, meaning genetics are the cause for this mental illness, for me.
Consider yourself educated.
Things with bipolar disorder can be scary. I have seen things; known as bipolar hallucinations, I have done things I am not proud of, and I have hurt people, (mainly emotionally), due to my mental illness. No one can understand what I go through or have been through. No amount of sharing my stories will be able to every communicate the amount of pain and anguish I have experienced. All I can do is write and hope it comes across clearly enough for people to attempt to somewhat understand what life with a mental illness is like.
I’m slowly coming down from my hypo-manic state as I am finishing up this blog post. Sometimes I can be hypo-manic for a few hours, and other times I can be hypo-manic for days. It’s hard being hypo-manic. It may feel like sunshine and roses, as you are experiencing it; Unfortunately though, as a human being in today’s world, I’m expected to function like a neurotypical person. It sucks! I’m not neurotypical, I’m not “normal”; However you decide to define normal as. That’s not me. I’m doing my very best though, but I can’t be what society expects. Those were not the cards I was dealt. All I can do is be my very best, be kind to people, and educate people. That’s all anyone can do if you weren’t given the best circumstances in life.
Bipolar disorder is not the only thing I’m diagnosed with, mental illness wise. I am a recovering bulimic, I’m a former self-harmer, and I suffer from severe anxiety; which has been under control for about two and a half years now. Thank god. I will slowly go into depth with these things over time.
I hope you learned something, and if you didn’t, that’s okay too. I’m not trying to win people over with this blog. I’m just trying to be honest and real, like I do with my day-to-day life. I’m wanting to make the world a little bit brighter, and all I know how to do, or the only thing I’m good at I should say, is writing. My mother taught me to leave a place cleaner then when you showed up. Essentially that’s what I’m trying to do with the world; Attempting to leave it better, while I’m here, then before I was born. If that makes sense.
Welcome! 